Insanity is relative
by TheSillyFrog
Summary: Five looks into the life of Bellatrix Black before Azkaban got the best of her. COMPLETED!
1. Little Bella

_**Hi everybody! So here is a fic i've working on this summer and decided to post! I usually don't like posting my work but i've gotta start someday! In total, there's going to be five chapters starting from her childhood up to when she becomes a Death Eater. So tell me what you think! :D**_

_ I am not J.K. Rowling so obviously I do not own Harry Potter._

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"Insanity is relative. It depends on who has who locked in what cage."  
Ray Bradbury

One of Bellatrix's strongest memories was of sitting in front of the Blacks family tree, her little bony legs swigging back and forth on the stool, as her mother lectured her harshly on the ideals of a pureblood. She remembered staring up at all those solemn faces wondering if she would follow in their footsteps. She would wonder if she too, one day, become proud and powerful, hate muggles and mudbloods with a passion, marry another pureblood, possibly someone distantly related to her and give birth to little pureblooded children. Big thoughts for a young child but when you were a Black, you had no choice but to grow up fast.

Little Bellatrix looked about the room, wondering when it would be Andromeda's turn to take her place for her lesson. She had heard the same theories so many times in her short life that she could practically recite them by hard. She did that some times; beat her mother to the catch phrase or fill in the sentence before she had a chance to. That always resulted in some severe scolding and a slap across the back of her head. Today, her mother had decided to question her on their family history, going all the way back to the Middle Ages. Bella wasn't very good at remembering all the dates. She often stuttered as she tried to recite all the information by heart. She never managed to cover the entire family. There was always an occasional name that would be left out. She had a particularly hard time with the Arcturus Black branch. Forgetting always resulted in a slap or two.

Luckily for her, five-year-old Andromeda knocked at the door just as she was starting to run out of names. Her little sister entered, nervously glancing up at the large tapestry just as she had done upon entering the room. Bella was given a curt dismissal as her younger sister took her place on the stool. She walked quickly towards the door, relishing at the thought of a little freedom but, as she laid her hand on the golden knob, she felt a twinge of guilt and turned to look at her little sister. If forgetting a name or date resulted in a slap, her sister was in for a hard time. Even Bellatrix was better then her in history classes…but then again, Andromeda was only five…

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Out of the many luxurious rooms in Cygnus Black's house, none of them could ever match up to aunt Walburga's attic. Bellatrix loved that dark secluded room dearly. Whenever she had a free moment on her hands, the young girl would use the family's Floo Powder to go to her aunt and uncles house. They did not care. Half of the time, they were gone out and the other half, they did not even notice her presence.

Bellatrix enjoyed sitting by the window in the attic. She loved the smell of century old furniture, pushed up against the walls. She loved the way the floor was completely covered in a thick layer of dust, the markings of her footsteps leading a trail from the door to the window. She liked the dust; it made everything seem so much more mysterious. Occasionally she'd notice smaller footprints scattered around the floor, evidence that the family house elf, Kreacher, was still up and about, caring to the family treasures. He used to sweep the floor until the young witch begged him not to, assuring him that his masters never came up to the attic anyways. Kreacher always did what she asked.

Bellatrix also liked to explore her family's treasures. On particularly boring days, after having stared out of the window for quite some time, the little witch would often stand on the tips of her toes to peer into tall glass cabinets. Although the contents inside never changed, she still couldn't help but be amazed. There were dragon claws and many wands incased in glass boxes, polished until they shone. There were rings and necklaces, giant teeth, parchment scrolls that look like they'd turn to dust at any moment, rusty daggers, a music box, coiled snakeskin and a very strange spidery instrument. Her aunt often talked about how, one day, she would have these priceless artifacts placed on display in the leaving room for everyone to see. But for now, they remained in the attic for Bellatrix to feast her little eyes on, but never touch, her aunt had made that quite clear.

Another one of Bellatrix's favorite pastimes while in the attic was to get Kreacher to stay up there with her. He was a mere house elf, yes, but also only one that she could talk to without receiving a bitter reply. Sometimes she would simply talk. She'd complain about how annoying her sisters were or how mean her mother had been to her that day. Other times, she wanted to play make-believe. She'd be Queen Bella and he'd be her servant. Together they'd cross raging oceans and wild forests in search of a powerful artifact. The games never lasted long for Kreacher always had something to clean or meals to cook. Before he left, Bellatrix would always order him not to tell anyone about their talks. She did not want to have people laughing at her for confiding in a _house elf._

What Bellatrix liked the most when sitting by the window was the way she could peer down on the road from up high, without being seen. She especially liked to watch the other kids from the neighborhood, sometimes wondering what it would be like to be a 'normal' witch. During those quiet days, alone in her secret haven, Bellatrix would dare to wonder why the Blacks were so superior to others. She did not mind it that much. It made her feel special. She liked getting everything she wanted. But sometimes, only sometimes, she couldn't help but _wonder_. She would peer down on those other children and wonder why was it that they were inferior, that she, scrawny, bushy haired, Bellatrix was above them all. Secretly, Bellatrix feared that there was something wrong with her for thinking such things. She was absolutely terrified of what the future held in store for her. Having her daily study session with her mother did nothing but feed that fear. She did not get the point of repeating the same things over and over again. What did they hope to achieve by repeating the House of Black's history, goals and ideologies every single day? It did not help that every single one of her relatives seemed just as convinced as her mother did when proudly boasting of the Blacks greatness. Was there something wrong with her? Was she not a Black? The pride and joy of Cygnus and Druella Black? Bellatrix simply did not know…

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**So? Like it? Dislike it? I'd love to hear what you have to say...just be nice :) I know she might seem a little too nice in this first one compared to when she grows up but i somehow have trouble picturing a little child torturing people. I don't think she was born completely insane and evil. anyways i hope its ok! **

**Lots of love from the silly frog! :D**

**-xxx-**


	2. The Sorting Hat

**So here's chapter number 2!!! This chapter is dedicated to silent r. fearie for being my very first reviewer (and hopefully not me last...). You rock! :) **

I do not own Harry Potter... but i do own the rather lovely maple candy that is in my mouth at this very moment. It's making me quite hyper.

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'_Remember Bella…Toujours pur__.'_

Her mother's voice still rung in her ears, reminding her of the high standards they were expecting from her. She was confident that she would succeed. How could she not? She was a pureblood! Near royalty. She could feel generations upon generations of untainted magical blood, running through her veins, giving her the power others could only dream of possessing.

Bellatrix was a blooming little eleven-year-old, standing in the Great Hall for her turn to sit on the stool and have some disgusting dusty old hat placed on her head as it read her deepest and most secretive thoughts. She did not like it but if that's what it took to get into Slytherin, well then Bellatrix wasn't complaining. She stood in line, her dark eyes scanning the four long tables in front of her, thoughtfully.

'_Slytherin; powerful, cunning and ambitious. Ravenclaw; stuck up little know-it-alls. Hufflepuff; for the weak. Gryffindor; don't even get me started on them.'_

She had no doubt of where she would be placed. All of her ancestors had been placed in Slytherin, it was tradition. Slytherin was for the great and the House of Black was the greatest. It was as simple as that. It was as part of her family's history as their Family Tree. It meant a great deal to her. That's why, when Bellatrix heard others criticizing her soon-to-be home for the next seven years of her life, she couldn't help but feel her heart burst into flames. Now if only she had the power to go with that anger.

'_Soon it will come, Bellatrix. Be patient.' _She promised herself as she waited, gripping her wand tightly inside her robes. _Twelve inches and three quarters. Walnut. Dragon Heartstring. _Ollivander had described it as being "unyielding". Bellatrix had fallen in love with it the moment she had set her sights on it. She knew it had recognized a sister in her. It knew her heart was also unyielding.

She did not have to wait long. The professor began to call the B's and, upon hearing her name, she made her way towards the stool, every step feeling like a mile. As she sat there, anxiously waiting for the hat to be placed on her head, she saw hundreds and hundreds little curious eyes, peering up at her. She knew what they were thinking. _There's the infamous Black family. The pretty Black girl being brought to Hogwarts only to be paraded around like one of their numerous treasures. _She had heard their whispers on the train and it scared her. She did not want to disliked here as well… So she quickly lowered her gaze but it was too late, she could already feel the blood flood to her cheeks. Thankfully, the world was soon engulfed in darkness as the hat fell over her eyes.

'_Ah…another Black.'_

Bellatrix smiled slightly.

'_That's right.'_

She heard it chuckle.

'_Well then…I guess there's not much of a decision to be made as to where to place you, young Black...'_

'_Well of course not.'_

"_Although…you have many other qualities. Perhaps you could be placed in Gryffindor, for the brave-at-heart."_

Bella felt her blood run cold.

"_No…no I want to be in Slytherin."_

"_But you have the heart of a Gryffindor; brave, passionate and very stubborn. You could be guided in the right direction in Gryffindor."_

"_But I have the brains of a Slytherin. I'm cunning and ambitious…not like those dumb Gryffindors."_

There was a moment of silence and Bellatrix could barely breathe she was so afraid.

"_You are a troublesome one."_

"_You said it yourself; I'm stubborn. Put me in Slytherin." _

The young witch could have sworn she heard it sigh before it bellowed; 'SLYTHERIN!'

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I** know it's a short one but the next few will be longer, i promise.  
****Reviews are always welcomed ** hint hint**!  
Don't be afraid i won't bite! I promise! **  
**Lots of love from the silly frog!  
-xxx-  
:D**


	3. Slughorn's christmas party

**Hello people! Here's chapter 3! This one is dedicated to new york gal ! I rather like this chapter because it really shows Bellatrix's teenage/sarcastic mood which i love! We all need a little sarcasm in life! **

**I don't own Harry Potter, J. K. Rowling does. I don't feel like inventing a funny disclaimer so there you go. C'est la vie!**

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The sounds of soft music and laughter floated through the air, reaching her ears and for a moment, she too could not help but laugh bitterly at the irony of the situation.

A week ago, news had reached the Slytherin common room that there was to be Christmas party held in Professor Slughorn's office for the 'Slug Club' and many of Slughorn's important contacts. This was a great way to make connections for the future. Evidently, Bellatrix had laughed it off in front of her friends, hiding her strong displeasure under a cruel grin. She had not been invited.

And yet there she was, wearing a pretty black dress and her hair tamed into long lustrous ringlets, glaring at a group of drunken old wizards as they leered at her. She silently began cursing Rabastan Lestrange for not being there to get rid of those perverted men for her. That is…until she noticed him join the group of men in order to mentally undress her from afar; apparently, he was already too drunk to remember that he came as _her_ _date_.

'_Wonderful…'_

After spending the last seven days planning her revenge, she ended attending the very party she had been cursing all week. It turned out that Rabastan had been planning on inviting her all week and had so _kindly _announced to Professor Slughorn that she would be coming.

"You could at least thank him, you know?" Her youngest sister sulked as they stood together in the back of the room, where Bellatrix wouldn't have to join any painfully boring conversations. It was obvious that the little blond girl did not want to waste her time with her sister.

"Why? For inviting me to a party that I never wanted to go to in the first place?" She replied, her tone dangerously low. She was in a fowl mood. She had a rather strong feeling that this was due to the fact that more then once had a particularly gruesome wizard tried to hit on her during the course of the evening. Not to mention the fact that her date was now throwing terrible pick-up lines at her, along with the other wizards he had befriended.

"And for your information, _Cissy_, I could have easily gotten invited to this party on my own."

Her pretty sister merely laughed, doing nothing for Bellatrix's temper. At any moment now, she felt she would whip out her wand and _confringo _someone's ass.

"I wouldn't worry too much about it, Bella. You know Professor Slughorn was very keen on having you in his club at the beginning of the year…being related to Phineas Black and all. But then you just had to ruin it by hexing that Gryffindor boy so his own hair tried to strangle him-"

"It needed a cut anyways." She grinned, remembering the pleasant memory.

"And cursing that third year girl, Skeeter was it? She was in the Hospital Wing for a week after that, you know…not that I'm complaining. That one was a real bitch."

Bellatrix nodded in total agreement. How she hated that girl.

"And let's not forget when you used the Stinging Hex on that Weasley fellow. I think that was the last straw because Slughorn still seemed pretty keen on- oh look Lucius is here!"

"Oh joy…" Bellatrix muttered. The sarcasm dripping from her mouth went unnoticed by the infatuated young girl. She now had only eyes for the unnaturally blond boy.

"I'm going over to see him now, Bella. Why don't you try to make some acquaintances while I'm gone?"

And with that, Narcissa hurried off to greet the )supposedly) love-of-her-rather-short-life, leaving Bellatrix to seethe on her own.

After an unpleasant hour or so of doing nothing, Bellatrix began to think that maybe her sister had the right idea. Why pass off a chance to meet some more influential wizards? She could never know when it might come in handy. Therefore, with an annoyed sigh, Bellatrix left her hideout to go socialize.

Hogwarts had done some good for Bellatrix. It was this particular school that had allowed her to come out of her shell. It was with this school's help that she understood how to gain respect from fellow wizards and witches. And finally, it was this school that allowed her to learn what it truly meant to be a Black. She was a talented witch, all the teachers said so. How could she not be? There was no purer blood then hers. She loved being special and having a sense of power. Bellatrix was brilliant. She outshone Andromeda and Narcissa by far, especially when it came to socializing. Bellatrix had always been very popular amongst the Slytherins. Her numerous friends made up for the lack of attention she received at home. They made her feel powerful and respected. Not that she really needed _them_ to be respected, she could strike fear into anyone's heart with a flick of her wand, but she liked being able to walk into the common room every morning and be greeted by warm smiles. For all these reasons, Bellatrix was confident enough to know that she would have no problem finding someone to talk to.

The young witch made her way through the crowd, greeting everyone with a charming smile, her dark eyes scanning the room in search of someone interesting. It was with the help of that particularly charming smile that she managed to catch the eye of the highly regarded wizard, Allan Remington, who worked for the Ministry of Magic.

"Ah...so you must be Bella, Cygnus Black's girl?" He said as they shook hands.

"Yes sir." She said with a hint of annoyance. She hated it when strangers called her 'Bella'. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

He smiled and took off on the subject of why he was attending Slughorn's party. As they conversed, Bellatrix found with great annoyance that all Remington liked to talk about was himself, barely leaving her a chance to speak unless it was to question him more on the fascinating man that he made himself out to be. He also had the bad habit of gesturing wildly has he spoke, as if the large amount of adjectives he attributed to himself wasn't enough.

Even more frustrated then she had been before, Bellatrix was about to make some sort of excuse in order to escape his long and boring monologue when the conversation suddenly took an interesting turn.

"-but there hasn't been much time for parties with all the strange things happening in Britain these days." He said, his hands gesturing madly causing all those around him to move away.

"What sort of strange things?" Bellatrix asked. At least he was no longer going on about the rather bad case of dragon pox he'd caught last year. The curiosity in Bellatrix's voice seemed to have stop Remington's speech. He closed his mouth abruptly and eyed her cautiously. "We're not allowed to talk 'bout it much. The Ministry's trying to keep it shushed up until they fix it, you see. They don't want to cause any panic over nothing."

'_At least he has some common sense…' _

Bellatrix quickly grabbed two more glasses of firewhiskey and handed one to her companion.

"Well you said so yourself it was nothing." She said, making her eyes shine with innocence to the best of her abilities, which was not much. However, this seemed more then enough persuasion to keep him going. He shrugged and drained his glass in one shot. The young witch smirked. _'This is too easy.'_

"It's this group of Dark Wizards, you see. They've been causing mishaps here and there. We haven't been able to catch any yet."

"Not one?" She asked, genuinely surprised. Usually aurors did not have that much trouble in catching a band of crooks.

"Not one!" Remington exclaimed, accidentally knocking a witch's hat off her head in the process. He seemed encouraged by her interest.

"They're pretty talented. They've got a brilliant leader too. Just when you think you've got one of them, they vanish!"

"But what do they do?" She pressed.

"No small crimes let me tell ya. They've been torturing and killing quite a few muggles and muggle borns. They've also been threatening lots of those muggle born supporters. Going on about the pure race and muggles being inferior and all that junk. I can't be quite sure of what's going on specifically, I'm not Head of the case although the Head of the Department of Security did say that I was more then capable of-"

"Why haven't we heard any of this in the papers?" The witch interrupted him before he could begin another story about his amazing life. A pure race? That sounded very much like what the House of Black had been encouraging ever since it's creation. Could it truly be that the idea was being put into motion?

"Because the Ministry's hoping to deal with it quickly! They don't want people panicking!" He repeated flailing his arms around. Bellatrix handed him another drink.

"So you don't have any names at all? Nothing?"

"Well no one in particular though we have heard that they call themselves Death Eaters. Strange name if you ask me. But then again their leader must be a pretty strange bloke. He's being going around calling himself Lord Voldemort."

'_Lord Voldemort…'_

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**Dumdumduuuum! OK so what d'you think? Good? Bad? I'd love to know what you think! So click on that review button. Please? Anybody that reviews gets an e-hug!  
Lots of love from the silly frog! :D  
-xxx-**


	4. The wedding and the confession

**Hey everybody! It's me again! I'll have the last chapter of this story published soon enough because i've already finished it and i am now working on another little suprise! It's going to be a sort of companion to this one. But i wont say too much, i'm still writting it. So here's chapter 4! I'm not particulary pleased with this one...well its ok i guess but...i don't know, lets just say its not my favorite. My favorites would probably the first and the last one. Ok i'm talking to much again. That happens a lot. **

**So I do not own Harry Potter because I am a sixteen-year-old french canadian girl planning on studying psychology... does any of that sound like J. K. Rowling to you? I thought so...**

**Enjoy!**

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It hadn't really been her choice, nor was it his. They simply fell into the complex web that both their families were stringing and could not afford to break free. She should be glad, really. Glad that she had found a pureblood worthy of her family's name. Glad that she would be able to keep the family alive through a male heir. She should have been glad and yet, she could not help but resent him, under that cool and pleasant smile.

Bellatrix and Rodolphus had met at Hogwarts although she could have barely called him a friend, seeing as he was six years older then she. He was a simple young man; fairly tall with long stringy brown hair and two large brown eyes nestled under thick eyebrows. He had his friends, his girlfriends and his school work. She hadn't thought much of him. If it hadn't been for the fact that he came from the highly regarded pure blooded family Lestrange, Bellatrix probably wouldn't have know of his existence. After all, he did leave school before she even became interested in men.

With the years, Bellatrix began to attend more social events. Her parents paraded her around proudly like one of their most treasured possession and, by the time she was sixteen, she was know as the most beautiful daughter of the House of Black. It was during one particularly important Lestrange party, which she had been invited to by Rabastan, that she met Rodolphus again. They got along quite well and spent the evening dancing and talking. Bellatrix hadn't thought much of it except that she was releived to have not spent the night bored to death...but it would seem that their two families had thought otherwise. They both saw them as a match made in heaven and hurried to make a deal. And now, Bellatrix was _engaged_. This time tomorrow, she would be _married_.

She sat on her bed, accompanied by Narcissa who had been granted a weekend away from Hogwarts in order to attend the wedding. As they sat together, talking late into the night.

"Mother's very proud of you Bella." Narcissa said calmly, stroking her sisters raven hair gently. She had matured a great deal over the years. Even to the point where _she_ acted like the big sister. She was becoming more and more like their mother, calm and collected where as Bellatrix would always remain the fiery one, the one who would not yield to anybody. Although their personalities differed, they remained very close. They were always there to support each other through the hardships and family dramas. Andromeda, on the other hand, seemed to be acting stranger by the year, even going so far as to question the Black way of life.

"I believe it is a relief for her to know that she is giving her eldest daughter away to such a respectful family."

"One down, two to go." Bellatrix sighed, rolling over onto her stomach.

"Oh don't sound so gloomy Bella!" Narcissa sighed, giving her older sister a disapproving look.

"Marriage is by far the best you can do for your family name."

Bellatrix shot her a look of pure disgust and sat back up, suddenly very infuriated with the whole situation. What she really wanted to do was go find Lord Voldemort in order to aid him with his campaign, not fret over wedding dresses and invitations!

Ever since Slughorn's Christmas party, back when she was still young and impressionable, she became obsessed with this mysterious man. She began to collect newspaper clippings of anything that had a possibility of being related to the Death Eaters. A couple months later, the _Daily Prophet_ actually began using his name, unable to cover the multiplying number of deaths and disappearances. Voldemort had possessed her thoughts, her dreams. She wasn't quite sure why. Sometimes it scared her. He represented everything she'd ever learnt. He represented pride, power and the _pure race_. He had probably grown up in the same environment as she had. He had probably been victim to the constant fear of being a disappointment, the constant fear of not being worthy. But he was proving everybody wrong. He was doing something about it. And she wanted to help him. She too wanted to have a taste of what it was he was feeling. When Bellatrix was frightened or sad, she would turn her thoughts toward this mysterious man and know that she had a friend out there. To Bellatrix, Voldemort was everything she needed to be happy.

That is why, as she sat there, about to be wed to another man, she could not help but wonder what _he_ was doing. She wanted so desperately to aid him in his campaign. The problem was how was she ever going to find a man that even the aurors could not get close too? She would find a way. She always did.

"Wonder what mother and father would say if Andromeda showed up tomorrow?" Narcissa said, oblivious to the fact that Bellatrix was miles away, thinking of a man who was not Rodolphus Lestrange.

"Well no use wondering when it's never going to happen." She continued, unconsciously (or perhaps out of habit) making herself over to the mirror that hung on the wall. The sudden movement brought Bellatrix out of her reverie.

"It's never going to happen though. I personally believe that she's avoiding them. Probably terrified of what they'd say. And a fight tomorrow really is the last thing you want…not that she'd care. I think she finds it rather appealing to be the rebel of the family, don't you Bella?"

"Just like Sirius." Bellatrix sighed in agreement, glad for a change in topic.

"Yes I think we should have kept those two apart. He was never a very good influence for her... or she for him"

"Don't worry about it Cissy. She'll come around soon enough. She's just being a teenage bitch."

It was as she said this that Bellatrix looked up at Narcissa's reflection in the mirror and noticed the tears gathering in her eyes. Her chest was heaving and she brought her hand to her mouth in order to keep her feelings at bay; a natural Black reflex.

"Whatever is the matter with you, Cissy?" Bellatrix said, trying to keep the worry out her voice. She was used to trying to make everything seem perfect. She, herself, had the same reflex to keep her weaknesses under control.

Her fair sister glanced behind her shoulder before looking back into the mirror, swiftly brushing away the tears.

"You won't tell anybody, will you Bella?" She asked, looking at her sister through her reflection in the mirror. Bellatrix knew she felt more comfortable when talking to her reflection. Bellatrix had to agree that she didn't think she could face Narcissa's tears. She'd never been good with crying.

"Just spit it out." Bellatrix got to her feet and took a couple steps closer.

Narcissa nodded nervously.

"Well since you've left Hogwarts, Andromeda's been…doing a terrible thing. She made me swear not to tell anybody. She wanted to do it herself but…"

"What did she do?" Bellatrix pressed. She didn't like this. She didn't like feeling worried.

"She's dating a mudblood, Bella!" Narcissa exclaimed. "Some filthy mudblood called Ted Tonks. They're really serious about it too! They've been thinking about running away and moving in together Bella! I overheard them one night and she begged me not to tell!"

Revulsion and anger rose up in Bellatrix's chest as she stared at her sister in disbelief. Andromeda? Her little sister run away with a _mudblood_? They had never been that close. It had always been her and Narcissa. So why did she feel so _betrayed_? Why couldn't she be like the rest of them? Why had she had to go off and be a complete embarrassment to the family? Did she think what she was doing was special or right? She was selfish. Bellatrix was there getting married to a man she didn't love just to make her family proud and Andromeda was off snogging some mudblood and thinking of abandoning her family.

"That bitch." She cursed. "That filthy blood traitor."

Narcissa turned around, surprised by Bellatrix's harshness. Clearly, she was regretting telling her.

"It's probably not true, Bella…She-she wouldn't abandon us for real you know? You shouldn't be calling her a blood traitor-"

"Oh because even if she wasn't serious about running away, it would be fine to date a mudblood? It doesn't matter right? As long as you don't end up getting married, knock yourself out and snog whoever you like? That's rich…"

Narcissa nodded feebly, unable to contradict the truth in Bellatrix's words and both women stood in silence for some time, thinking things over. But Bellatrix knew there wasn't much to think over. She had to act now, before things got worse. Andromeda had been given too many liberties. Someone was going to have to fix that. Being the eldest sister, the responsibility fell onto her shoulders. Sure Narcissa like to play adult, but when it came down to the painful, sad or troublesome decisions, Bellatrix was the only one with enough gut to make the choice. She knew what she had to do. Silently, she pulled Narcissa back towards the bed and sat her down, suddenly feeling very calm.

"When I come back from the honeymoon, we'll tell mother and father."

Narcissa's eyes went wide with fright and she franticly shook her head. Sudden

"We will Cissy!" Bellatrix insisted. "She'll then be given a choice between continuing to support mudbloods and going back to supporting the pure race. You know she'll choose us. She's not that bloody crazy. That's the only way to fix it. We can't just turn a blind eye."

Narcissa still didn't look convinced. She continued to shake her head feebly.

"But what if she gets…_disowned_?" She whispered fearfully.

There it was; the dreaded word. The dread of having your picture burnt off the Family Tree. The dread of knowing that you dishonored your family. The dread of being alone.

"She won't be Cissy. She's not as stupid or though as she pretends to be."

Narcissa looked uncertain. She sniffled and wiped away a lingering tear.

"I-I…" She looked up at Bellatrix with her wide frightened eyes. "I don't want to lose her, Bella…"

Bellatrix felt a strain on her heart as she stared into her sister's eyes. She understood what she was feeling. She felt the same, deep down. She held her sisters hand firmly and gave her a quick smile, trying to seem confident.

"You won't Cissy." She assured her before adding uncertainly. "But…if we do…promise me...promise me you'll stick with me. We have to stick with our family. We have to stay strong for the House of Black."

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**Sooooo? What do you think? Is it your least favorite too? Or maybe it was your favorite? Or maybe they're all sooooooooo good that you can't choose your favorite! :P anyways please tell me what you think. It would be highly appreciated if you reviewed because it gives me a real boost to know that some people like my stories and if not, constructive criticism is appreciated as well! Enjoy the rest of your summer holidays people! -xxx-  
lots of love from the silly frog :D**


	5. The Death Eaters

**Hello people! so here's the very last chapter of Insanity is relative! I hope you like it!**

**I don't own Harry Potter**

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Bellatrix was trembling with overwhelming ecstasy and fear. She could barely breathe she was so determined; determined to join him, determined to become his most faithful servant.

Bellatrix could not believe how close she was to him, merely three seats down the table. She shivered in delight at the thought and kept her gaze on his face, without ever meeting his scarlet eyes. She had to admit that he wasn't exactly as she had picture him. In her mind, Voldemort was a tall handsome man, not strangely deformed and deathly pale. As she looked upon him now, she realized how foolish she had been. Being handsome was like wanting to fit in with the other millions who wanted the same thing. It was falling prey to vanity and arrogance. He was above all those mortal weaknesses. He was absolutely perfect.

It had been Rodolphus's father who offered up the Lestrange manor for Lord Voldemort's use and it was as her step-father announced his decision, on her wedding night, that Bellatrix found at that she had, in fact, married the son of one of the original Death Eaters and Rodolpus also had the intention of following his father's footsteps. After that moment, Bellatrix had decided that she did not regret marrying Rodolphus Lestrange…at least until she found herself before _him_. Then all the regret came crashing down upon her once more until she thought she'd drown in it. It was as he apparated in the hall, running his cold eyes over her without a word, that she realized that she was madly in love with him. She did not know why she hadn't figured it out before. She loved him, yes, but she had always thought that it was the love that came from extreme admiration, to the point of obsession. Now she realized that it was another type of love; the type she should have felt for Rodolphus. This love was an immensely powerful sexual and emotional attraction one felt for their lover. She had been an idiot, she knew that. How could she have not realized? She was being an idiot, even now, for allowing herself to love him. She knew that it would only end in tears and pain.

There were other men seated at the table. She recognized most of them as the sons of well-known pureblooded families. Some of them were even her old classmates! She found it almost humorous how, for the past five years or so, she had been questioning every pure-blooded friend and relation she knew, in hopes of finding a way to him, only to find out that most of his Death Eaters were actually good friends of the House of Black. She realized now, as she received their angry glares, that it was because she was a woman that they kept silent about their double lives. They did not believe it practical to have her amongst them. They did not think that she would be of any help. They probably feared that, being a woman, she would use her beauty and sexuality in order to climb the social pyramid. For all these reasons, they had not told her the truth. For all theses reasons, she decided to prove them wrong.

"Before we begin, Lestrange tells me his son wishes to pledge his life to Lord Voldemort. Am I correct Rodolphus?"

Voldemort's voice came as a surprise to her. Again, she had imagined it to be different. It was so very cold and emotionless. He did not speak loudly, as if he knew that his Death Eaters would strain to hear his words even if he were to whisper. She knew she would.

"Ye-yes My Lord." Rodolphus said, nervousness ringing clearly in his voice. Bellatrix blushed, utterly embarrassed by her husband's weakness.

Raising his long spidery fingers, the Lord Voldemort gestured him forward. Flushed with pleasure yet clearly afraid, Rodolphus got to his feet and made his way towards his new master, at the head of the table. The next series if events puzzled Bellatrix. As she stared at her husband, silently begging him not ruin her chances, he gave a strange spasm and then fell into what looked like a trance. For only a few minutes, both men were completely silent, standing motionless before each other while the others waited. During those painfully long minutes, the lone witch glanced at the Death Eaters, comforted to see that some were just as puzzled as she was and infuriated when she noticed most had smug smiles plastered on their smug faces, understanding shinning in their eyes. Her eyes met her soon-to-be brother in law who quickly averted his gaze, as if ashamed to know her. She did not understand. Was she not from the House of Black? Married to a Lestrange? In a pure world, she could have been the queen! So why was it that in the presence of her king, she was suddenly treated like some simple harlot?

"Lucius what's happ-?"

"Legilimency" He answered curtly, clearly ordering her to stop speaking. Her pride hurting, she immediately opened her mouth to retort just as Rodolphus began to shake violently, clearly out of his trance.

"Hold out your left arm." The dark wizard instructed as he took out his wand, acting as if nothing had just happened.

Rodolphus did exactly as he was told, holding out his shaking arm between him and Voldemort.

The Dark Lord brought his wand down in a sharp stab upon his arm and her husband clutched it, grimacing in pain. Almost immediately after, he was ordered back to his place with not a single explanation made. All of this, Bellatrix watched in awe, feeling her heart beat wildly in her heaving chest.

"Your life belongs to me now, Rodolphus Lestrange. You will do well to remember that."

"It is a great honor to serve you, My Lord." The newly enlisted Death Eater replied.

Curiously, Bellatrix peered over his arm at the strange black mark her idol had left on her husband's arm but she didn't have much time to fully inspect it for she suddenly realized that Voldemort had not called out her name. He was now looking down at a piece of parchment that appeared to be a long list of names, lost in thought.

Fear filled her lungs like air, silently suffocating her as she fought against the urge to panic. Was she going to be overlooked as simply the wife of a Death Eater? She glanced around the room, searching for help but the men ignored her. She had waited so many years! She was not about to be ignored for the sake of the egos of men! Fear made place for anger and passion and before she could control herself she stood.

He looked up.

"My Lord? I wish to pledge my life as well." She announced, her voice sounding weaker and more afraid as she would have liked.

The room went incredibly silent and Bellatrix could almost see the tension in the air. All the men bore expressions of horror on their faces, eyes reverting between their master and the crazy woman.

Voldemort's eyes narrowed with disdain.

"_You_? What can _you _do for me?" He asked, a cruel smirk appearing on his waxy-pale face.

'_This is it.'_ She thought. _'My chance to prove myself.'_

She clutched the edge of the table, forcing more strength into her voice.

"I can fight for you, my Lord!" She said, the words poured from her lips like clear water, as clear as the truth in her words. And just like water, she could not stop the words once they escaped. Exhilaration overcame her fear and anger.

"I am talented, I swear I am! With more training and time, I promise you I will become more powerful then any of your other Death Eaters!"

Angry hisses filled the room as the men whispered to each other, strongly displeased.

"It is true!" Bellatrix snarled, glaring down at them, silently challenging them to prove her wrong. She then looked back up at Voldemort, clear adoration shinning in her dark eyes.

"My Lord, you must know that I speak the truth! I do not join you out of fear or lust for my own power! I join you because you are the rightful master of this world and I am but a servant! A servant who worships you and who would fight until the end if only to please you!"

The moment she finished, the overwhelming silence pressed against her eardrums and for a moment, she feared she had gone too far. She dropped her gaze quickly and dared not look back up as she awaited his response, silently cursing herself and every other Death Eater in the room.

"Come here girl."

Bellatrix glanced up, too shocked and frightened to speak. The courage (or insanity) that had momentarily possessed her had now completely abandoned her in her moment of need. She did go and stood before him. Something strange happened the moment their eyes met. The floor disappeared from under her feet and the walls disintegrated into smoke. Bellatrix was standing alone in complete darkness with only her thumping heart to be heard. Before she had time to process what was happening, the scenery changed again...

_She is standing in the entrance hall of the Black Manor, Andromeda by her side, holding her hand. They wait anxiously, not quite certain of what is going on, Dromeda; with her thumb in her mouth, Bella; fiddling with the hem of her dress. The sudden crack, loud to a child's ears and the apparition of their parents surprises the two girls. They freeze. The woman they call mother comes towards them, carrying a bundle of cloth in one arm. She lowers the bundle, allowing the girls to see the little babe. She is a week old. Bella thinks she looks like one of the gnomes they used to have in their garden before they were all exterminated. She does not want to look at her anymore but her father is now behind her, hands placed on her shoulder, and she cannot move. _

"_What do you think?" He asks her. _

_She looks back down at the baby and notices the pale strands of blond hair on its ugly head. She looks at her father, her mother, her sister…they all have black hair. She doesn't like it. She doesn't like the fact that she will now have to call her sister. _

"_A that?" Dromeda mumbles in her baby voice, pointing at the newborn with her spit covered thumb. It was her way of asking questions._

"_Her name is Narcissa." Mother replies, stroking the baby's head._

"_She's not a Black." Bella affirms quite confidently._

_Her mother gets angry. Her father is exasperated. It all ends in angry tears and a resentful apology on Bellatrix's behalf . _

_Narcissa is an ugly name. She is comforted by that fact. She decides that she will think up the ugliest nickname for her…something to match that ugly pale hair. Something like...Cissy…yes that would work just fine. _

Other memories played before her eyes at mind-blowing speed. However, some of her memories did not seem to rush past as quickly as the others and Bellatrix knew that these were the memories that Voldemort found most interesting. Every single, painful memory was pried from the darkest corners of her mind and it felt like she is going to see her entire life. Everything she had ever felt, every secret she had ever protected, was laid out and in the open for Voldemort to see and Bellatrix knew that everything depended on this moment....

_Bellatrix runs across the dusty floor, in one of her best dresses, a priceless goblin-made crown upon her head and a large stick at hand. She jumps onto the windowsill, brandishing the stick like a weapon. It is her magic sword. She is a great witch-queen. And Kreacher is the dreaded dragon. She fights valiantly, brandishing her stick at the house-elf who pretends to fight back to the best of his capabilities but with much less enthusiasm. _

"_I will protect my people!" Bellatrix shouts, her weapon jabbing here and there. Kreacher cannot dodge it. It is coming too fast. The large stick collides with his jaw and he falls to the ground. A peel of laughter escapes Bella's throat as she waves her stick, victoriously. _

"_I killed the dragon!" She exclaims, still laughing. _

_Kreacher coughs up a broken tooth and smiles…_

Bellatrix could feel herself blush with shame as she heard a cold chuckle ring in her mind. She hoped dearly that Lord Voldemort would not penalize her for being a foolish child.

"_Rabastan! Rabastan I'm on the team!"_

_Bellatrix appears at the top of the hill, dressed in silver and emerald Quiditch robes. Her beautifully wild black hair tied in a long braid down her back. Rabastan Lestrange stands near the lake, staring up at her, his eyes shinning with pleasure. Overwhelming pride and happiness takes control of her mind and she sprints down the hill, robes bellowing around her. She laughs, feeling like a little girl again. She doesn't notice the rest of her friends, sprawled lazily on the grass. She runs straight for him, delighted with herself. He smiles, holding out his arms to her. She jumps into them, wrapping her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck._

"_Well done Bella." Rabastan laughs, a blush slowly working its way onto his cheeks._

"_I knew they'd choose you."_

_Bella does the next thing that comes to mind. She leans forward and kisses him. Her very first kiss. But the kiss is cut short as Rabastan stumbles backwards in shock and brings them both plunging into the ice-cold lake, still intertwined. Bellatrix feels impossibly happy. She wants to remain under that cool calming water to savor her victory but kicks nevertheless, her hand finding Rabastan's in the darkness. They surface to the sound of wolf whistles and laughter… _

Bellatrix remembered that day. It had been one of her fondest memories. She wondered what the Dark Lord thought of it...or if he cared at all. Probably not.

_He moans her name. He whispers how much he loves her in her ears as she lets her hands wonder over his body, finding those places that make him groan louder. Her skin tingles with excitement and every breath is getting harder to take but she keeps her mouth tightly shut. _

"_Bella…Bella I love you." He moans again._

_She looks up at him, seeing someone else in her mind. She sees the dark handsome man who haunts her dreams every night and she whishes with all her heart that it could be him in Rabastan's place. Bellatrix keeps her mouth tightly shut because she is afraid that it would not be Rabastan's name that would escape her lips…_

Bellatrix was almost too horrified to pay any attention to the next stream of memories. How could she have forgotten about that? She was mortified. How would she be able to join his ranks now?

_The mudblood boy twists in odd angles, thrashing about. His face is screwed up tightly and he is begging for mercy. She hates him. She almost wants to kill him. Earlier that day, he had hexed her baby sister because she had used the word 'mudblood'. Her darling sister is now in the Hospital Wing and this boy is now in excruciating pain, with no one to hear his cries. The others laugh behind her. She knows they admire her for her guts and confidence. She does not care at the moment. All she cares about is the overwhelming sense of power and hate she feels. She loves it. She loves having power over him…over the world. At any moment, at any time, she could inflict pain on anyone who dared disrespect her. She finds it hard to believe that she had spent so many years of her life without the __Cruciatu__s Curse. It almost feels unfair. But she is making up for it now. She wishes she was doing it for him... for Voldemort. It had always been for him. Every breath she took was for him. But this time…it was for Cissy._

At last, Bellatrix was freed from her memories, trembling with fright. She knew that he had seen everything and was judging her. Would he understand the complete and total devotion she felt for him? Would that be enough? She dared not look at him now. She feared that even one wrong move would be the end of her hopes. So she waited, thinking over what she had seen in her mind. Many of those memories were forgotten memories she did not want to remember. She easily discarded them again. She was well trained that way. She could easily bend her mind to her advantage. When she was younger, when her parents would shout at each other late into the night, Bellatrix would shut her mind, forcing herself to forget. That skill grew with her and helped her enormously. It helped her now as she quickly shut her mind on those reminiscences who were bleeding like freshly opened wounds.

Still the Dark Lord did not stir. Apparently she was far more puzzling then her husband. She did not know if that was bad or good. She could feel the Death Eaters hard stares on her. She could catch their angry expressions from the corner of her eye. So she took refuge…refuge in those memories that she did not want to forget again. Those rare moments in her life where she had been truly happy. She caressed them silently, like jewels amongst cold black coal. Those were the memories that gave her courage and the strength to fight back, to prove them all wrong.

"Your arm, Bellatrix."

It came so quickly, so unexpected, that Bellatrix shivered with delight and anticipation. She held out her arm, only too willingly and nearly gasped out in pain as Voldemort stabbed her arm with his wand; the same way he had Rodolphus's. As soon as the tip pressed against her pale skin, her arm began to burn with excruciating pain and she was forced to clutch it just as Rodolphus had. She could feel the poison coursing through her veins, burning her flesh until it was black and dead. She hurried back to her seat, regretting not have made the most of her closeness with The Dark Lord. As she settled back down, she carefully loosened her grip on her left arm and stared at the throbbing mark on her arm, formed from the burnt flesh. It looked like someone had tattooed a skull with the tongue of a snake onto her forearm. She couldn't have been more proud.

"Oh and Black?"

Bellatrix flushed and looked up.

"Yes My Lord?"

Her onyx eyes met his scarlet ones for only one moment before she quickly focused on his mouth, her stomach aflutter.

"I'm holding you to that promise."

Puzzled, Bellatrix frantically tried to recall the promise that she had made, silently cursing herself. And that's when she remembered it.

'_With more training and time, I promise you I will become more powerful then any of your other Death Eaters!'_

Her heart swelling up with pride and joy, she smiled and affirmed quite confidently;

"I will not let you down, My Lord."

* * *

**soooooo? what d'you think? i really hoped you liked it. please let me know its always a pleasure to get reviews! Thanks for reading this story!  
****lots of love from the silly frog! :D  
-xxx-**


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